Friday, January 29, 2010

Sometimes you're the bug....

You ever have one of those days?  I mean, one of THOSE days.  The kind of day that you just want to do over.  And it's not even noon.  I'm not the only one, am I?

And if I'm going to be honest, (and really, why wouldn't I, if I'm going to talk about it here) but if I'm going to be honest I'd have to say it's not even because the day itself has been so bad.

It's because I have been. 

I've been grouchy, impatient, unkind, easily frustrated and just all around NOT NICE.  And the guilt over acting this way towards my children is immense.  Overwhelming even.  I'm talking a stand-in-the-shower-until-the-hot-water-runs-out cryfest over it all. 

So it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out I didn't have my quiet time this morning, right?  But the cryfest sent me to my knees.  And of course my Father met me there.  God Calling for today said that He heard David when he cried out from the depths and that He hears me too.  Crying out from the shower.

I've asked for forgiveness.  Pleaded for help.  Apologized to my kids. 

There are consequences though.  There always are.  My kids are grouchy too.  I set the mood in the house.  I made my daughter cry today.  THAT sucks.  (I know that is such a tacky word, but it really is the only one that fits right now.)  I see in their eyes that they are worried, scared even that I'm going to yell again. 

And now I'm crying again because Hayes just climbed up on the couch beside me and kissed me on the cheek.  For no reason.  Thank you God.  I am so very undeserving of anything good, especially today. 

I know His mercies are new every morning.  Maybe they are new every afternoon as well.    


Deidre said...

Don't be so hard on yourself. We all have days that just stink ... or weeks ... or months :) I woke up the same way this morning. I heard Eric leave and he didn't tell me goodbye. I texted him later to ask him if he was afraid to. Yuck! I hate that. Hey, get this. I was getting more and more aggravated with my kids and yelled, "I said to get the devotion book and put it on the table! We're going to pray!" Cracks me up now to think about it. Have mercy, how tacky!

I know you know this, but you're teaching them well by showing them you are in just as much need of God's grace as they are. If they saw a 'perfect' mom, they wouldn't need a Savior, right?

Ashleigh said...

Now I think I am having a cryfest! Sorry about your day. We all have them. And Deidre said it all just right! Our kids don't need perfect mommies. I love you friend even on the bad days! And thanks again for the smile yesterday!

Melissa said...

I am so sorry girl. It is really hard sometimes! I do know.Just know that God's mercies are new everyday and He's going to give you exactly what you need tomorrow and the next day and the next... cause He loves you and so do I!!

Kat said...

I think we had the same day. I also think I yelled at my girls no less than 637 times today... By the grace of GOD, they still love me and also kiss me on the elbow for no apparent reason other than to say, "It's okay Mommy." You are a great mom with tremendous faith. A perfect combination. :)

Faith said...

So sorry you had such a rough day, my friend. Those days are not fun, but I am so thankful that His mercies are new every morning, and even every moment - because I sure am in need of them!

Love you girl!

Amber Benge said...

Hang in there! We all have those days, but the Lord is faithful. Our kids forgive us because they kind of have to... lol! :) Praying that you get lots of hugs from Jesus today and that He reminds you of your value in Him.

mer@lifeat7000feet said...

Oh, I've had days like that. And will continue to have them.

I'm sorry.

The only thing to do is apologize and move on...while thanking God for new mercies (and that kids have short memory spans!)